Beast of Burden - Chemo

It's about 8am, morning after my 3rd chemo treatment. Blech. I have a headache, feel icky and poisonous as usual, but I pretty much slept through the night and there was no vomiting, which is a relief! This historically has been the start of my bad days so we'll see how it goes. I think I mentioned before how the last time I had chemo that my arm hurt a while afterward. I mentioned this to the nurses this time but they think it's from being poked so many times instead of it being because they poked a nerve. I wasn't convinced of this as if it was from that, wouldn't it have hurt right after instead of a few weeks later? If they did poke a nerve that could be disastrous as your nerves don't regenerate the way muscles do, so it may affect the mobility in my left arm permanently. My arm felt bruised when I touched any part of it and I wasn't able to straighten it without pain. I was stressing this as I have a big dog, I want to be able to take him for walks and I get a lot of pleasure from spending time with him outdoors just the two of us. I was disturbed to think that I wouldn't be able to hold a leash with either arms as there is now risk of permanent damage to both. I'd always have to walk my own dog with someone else? *sad sigh*
Well anyway, I don't think this will be the case, they maybe were right about getting poked a bunch of times being the reason as I seem to be gaining more mobility.
As I mentioned before, I was told I'd probably need to get a port o cath inserted to receive chemo and draw blood. This a quarter-sized device that is surgically planted in your chest area, with tubes coming out of it. Since it was suggested and not enforced, no thanks! I'm not wanting anymore surgeries than I feel necessary and I certainly don't want tubes coming out of my body, not just for the obvious cosmetic reasons but more importantly it's about the big grey monster that stands as tall as Shawn when standing. Milo could rip that outta me very easily and I'm not chancing that. A little different I'd imagine than getting an earring ripped out, so if it's a matter of my comfort of not getting poked and the nurses not having the difficulty of finding my vein, sorry, we'll all just have to be inconvenienced.
That was my opinion before yesterday.
The first time I received chemo the nurse told me not to bother with the port o cath as the nurses in the chemo clinic were proficient in the art of jabbing. Okay, phew, happy to hear that. That nurse got me with one poke. I have phantom veins hence all the port o cath talk. When giving blood I get poked usually at least twice. The 2nd chemo sucked big time. I got poked first twice by one nurse and then another two times by the more experienced nurse they brought to me. It hurt and even getting the chemo hurt that time. It's not just any needles they use, they're like thin tubes that getting inserted up your vein. I'm not very sqeamish but even I have trouble watching these ones.
The previous two times now have got me slack from the nursing staff about not having the port, but I counter it was the senior nurse here that advised me against it and she said all the nurses knew what they were doing. Funny, this shuts them up. I say this as a joke by the way, I really love all the nurses at PMH, but it does stop them from talking anymore about the subject.
What a production yesterday! I was joking around with the first nurse as I explained how many times I was poked last time and about my arm being sore etc. Oh another problem is that I can't get poked in the right arm, just the left because of my surgery and all the nodes over there removed. Apparently I'm now to have any pokes in the left arm forever, except on the day of chemo when I have to get blood taken. I get blood taken an hour before every appointment so they can make sure my counts are up and if not, no chemo for me that day. Same if they can't get my veins to cooperate and the last thing I want to do is delay my treatments. My last treatment if all goes according to plan will be December 19th. I don't want to delay any as that will put me after the New Year and I'm hoping that I'll mercifully be able to celebrate what is sure to be the most emotional holiday season ever with this already under my belt, not still looming! I think that's a fair wish to make. I could be ridiculous and wish for the impossible, but I just want chemo finito for Xmas. I gotta spend my 30th in the midst of chemo, but the consolation is at least not Xmas. Here's hoping, fingers crossed. Yesterday was dangerously close to a delay, same as the 2nd time. She got it first shot this time, I breathed a sigh of relief and while she was starting the red devil push, I was joking around with her (really cute little Chinese lady) saying she was lucky as I'd forgive the 2nd shot, the 3rd I'd be angry but by the 4th I'd be throwing punches, so good thing she got it first shot! "Uh ohhhh, where is the blood, how can there be no blood?!" This was my nurse speaking. As she was pushing the craziest chemo drug (the one where the plastic surgeon is available just-in-case) she noticed that the needle was in my vein, but she wasn't able to see blood coming into the tube, therefore she couldn't proceed as that is the only way to be absolutely certain that you're securely in the vein. By now there is another nurse beside me as well, debating with the nurse as to whether or not they could proceed. They decided they couldn't; they'd have to try again. Of course, not before moving the needle in and out, moving my arm to different elevation points trying to get the blood to surface, I am a slab of beef at this point and trying every which way to not have to poke me anymore. But they did, I had another 4 pokes (yes that would be 5 total) before they could finally get it working. It's better to be safe than sorry, I'd rather be poked and be uncomfortable then to have that crazy drug miss my vein and then have to deal with plastic surgery because of it, so it was the best course of action, I get it. It was quite a show though. 4 different nurses tried, 5 were hovering around me, the patients in their beds were all craning their necks to see what was going on, I had their family members starting to gather around me to watch over the whole nursing staffs shoulders. And of course, right in front of me were the most annoying girls I have ever come across. That's not true but it feels true right now. There was a girl that was around my age getting chemo (first person I've seen there under 40 other than me for sure) and she had I think four of her friends with her. They looked like the Nordic version of Sex and the City. This girl is lying in her bed getting chemo and she looked very uncomfortable as she kept closing her eyes and wincing, but her friends seemed oblivious to this and were either texting, on their cell phones or talking amongst themselves about partying, having too many glasses of vino, about how he is just gonna have to work for it if he wants to see me again, blah blah blah so loud! This one girl had her back to me so wasn't aware of the commotion just 3 feet behind her, but as I've got the nurses all over me, and I'm being subjected to poke after poke, wiggle after wiggle, pain after pain, a nurse sqeezing my leg, Shawn sqeezing my hand, I'm listening to talk about how 4 glasses of red wine was just too much for one work night and if he wants to be invited over again he better... In my head I'm picturing her demise and how I could possibly manage to contribute to it in this state, but point is, I didn't need to hear about her life and they were playing to the crowd, which just bugged me. There are people in this room that are very affected by treatment and it was almost an invasion of privacy to have these four people in there talking business as usual. Have some respect for others. most 50 year olds don't want to hear about partying, booze and drugs, especially I would imagine at this time. I think having support is great, don't get me wrong and conversation not all about cancer is great too, but it didn't seem to be helping the girl they were there to support and have some respect when in the room with others that are going through something difficult, ie chemo, but what do I know, maybe I was the only one offended, although I highly doubt that based on Shawn's face, the nurses rolling their eyes and the guy in the next bed loudly gasping in their oblivious direction. I do know that I wanted to chuck the barbie out the window, and picturing it made me feel a little consoled.
So today, my arm is going be achy, I'm starting to get a little nauseous so I'm gonna go and try to remedy with some herbs as Craig just arrived to keep me company. ;)