Here's Looking at YOU, kid!

I get a lot of sympathetic glances, or the eye contact followed by the really quick lookaway. It's all fine, you just deal with it. Trust me, I'm more embarassed for you by your actions than I am that I look this way. When I first started walking around without a wig, -which I did pretty much immediately after I shaved my head- I was very cognizant of the reactions of people around me. The first time I left the house with just my shaved head -no wig, no hat- was when Craig and I went to see Superbad at Scarborough Towne Centre. It was during a weekday so again, not a lot of people around, but still, this was my bald debut. I noticed some people looking at me, but then again, some of them surely were just staring back at me since I was looking at them for a reaction. When you're looking for something like that, you're gonna find it. But you just learn to adapt, which I did quickly I think. Before we went in, Craig was having a smoke, and I looked down at my feet only to notice my white socks were visible above my sneakers and I blurted out "How embarassing! Look, I'm wearing floods!" As I looked up at Craig, I glanced my reflection in the door behind him and I followed that statement with a sarcastic "What on earth am I worried about people looking at my feet for!" This got a laugh and a shake of the head from Craig. It's true though, the last thing people would be staring at would be my too-short track pants, ha ha ha! I was out in public 5 minutes before I forgot that I was bald. I was talking to Julie a while ago (before I shaved my head) about what I was gonna do to cover up the baldness and I remember she said that it was different from when we were younger. Back then you'd see some person in the mall with a bandanna and you'd stare as it was a unique site, but nowadays you see people all the time that appear to be going through chemo, etc, so it's not really a big deal to see anymore. That really stuck with me. It's true, but how about all those women that braved those stares back in the day? I personally feel like I owe them something. They paved the way for others -me- to be able to walk around bald, or with just a head cover. Had they hidden behind wigs, people wouldn't have been any the wiser and I wouldn't be as comfortable walking around without one today. So I don't wear mine all the time, I'd venture to say I don't most times. The more people see us out there going about our business, the less it'll be a sight to see and you won't take a second look. Shouldn't I help out to make that a reality? I think so. Besides, aren't we just purchasing wigs to make other people feel comfortable around us? I know that wigs also make the wearer feel more empowered to get out there and face their day (I wear mine every time I go into the office), but if it was completely accepted by society, more I feel would choose to go without. I'm liking this line of thinking as again, it's enlightening. I'm putting this $1200 (that's unfortunately not a typo) hairpiece on and making myself uncomfortable (because they are) pretty much to make myself look normal around others. I'm looking forward to the day that normal is used to describe a whole plethora of looks and I should contribute to that idealistic line of thinking. You can all do something too. Try not to stare, give an empathetic look or turn away quickly, eyes averted. Definitely don't whisper conspiratorally to the person beside you to check it out. You never know who it is you're commenting on. I'm bald; not deaf or blind idiot. Wait until you're around a corner to make a nasty comment to your hopefully mortified-to-have-you-as-a-friend friend. I'll give you an example of such people. Carm and I went to Chudleigh's Orchard last weekend to pick apples and eat corn on the cob fresh off the BBQ and do the hayride. It was great fun! A beautiful fall day for the road trip to Milton and some fresh crisp weather to pluck in-season apples. On our way back to my place, we were on the 401 off ramp at a red light. I happened to look beside me only to catch in the car next to us the girl who was in the passenger side whispering to 'look beside her' to the girl driving, while the girl in the backseat was already staring at me as the driver turns around to make eye contact with me giving her a bemused glare. When I got into the car when leaving Chudleigh's, I chucked my hat in the back seat. These girls got caught commenting on my appearance and all tried to look away very quickly, but I wasn't simply gonna turn away. I started telling Carm what was transpiring while rolling down my window staring down these girls, as both cars were now moving as the light turned, but by now Carm is cursing wildly and trying to go slow to get the girls to pull beside us, but they're literally going 40 (in a 60) to avoid having to pull beside us now as her and I are visibly agitated and craning our necks to look into their car. These girls acted chastely, I'm pretty sure they were younger than us, but cars are now honking, so with a "Whatever Carm," we just drove off, but we were laughing about this amongst ourselves. I take solace in the hope that their drive immediately following that was silent as they were embarassed in front of each other that they didn't even have the guts to drive alongside of us, yet had the guts to comment on me, until caught and almost confronted. Here's the lesson. If you're not able to pull it together and be a decent human being and simply not comment and/or stare and make a big deal or make fun of someone in a situation such as mine, be careful that you're prepared to live with the consequences of what you're instigating. I understand that therapy is very expensive and the shame of having to live with getting your ass kicked by a sick cancer patient is gonna take a lot of sessions to eradicate from memory I'd imagine. Avoid it if possible. I may look 'sick' but I don't feel it and with all the suppressed anger I must have in me for a lot of different reasons, I'm always on the lookout for an outlet and who better that some ignorant &%)$, really?