Over the hump but still a long road ahead

I've sat down a few times to write, but something stops me. I don't know what it is. It may be simply easier to write when you're not going through these few days of helplessness. I had chemo last Wednesday and now it's Monday morning and I still feel gross. Right now, the rest of the treatments seem so daunting. I can look at it as I'm over the hump (3 down, 3 to go), but unfortunately I'm just seeing a long outstretched road in front of me with no finish line. I've been kind of revelling in the 'this will never be over for me' thoughts, and they're freaking me out to a certain degree, but I'm not going to let it be all-consuming. I simply can't. My arm has not been hurting as I thought it would, that's good. The worst is probably the feeling of being bruised and the gut rot. You can't touch me or hug me right now without me wincing. I guess it's a fluid buildup or something but my body just feels black and blue, although there aren't any visible bruises. I had heart burn for I think the first time in my life yesterday. I was eating potatoes and then this huge pain came in my chest and I couldn't eat. It felt like there was a big bubble in my chest that I couldn't get down. That's heartburn I take it? Never happened to me before, but that wasn't comfortable. I've been extra extra puffy this treatment from the steroids (...okay and the burgers); I also feel more poisoned if that makes any sense. I'm yucky. My mouth tastes metallic so water right now tastes disgusting, I get very dry around the mouth and my tongue looks like it has cotton on it. This is better than mouth sores so I hate to even tempt fate by complaining about my side effects yet I'll continue. My face, my body, everything is round and and puffy and bloated. Yesterday was more comical than anything as Shawn went back to his massage therapy textbooks (I know I know, my boyfriend was a trained massage therapist and here I am complaining about my life! :)) and was researching stomach massages that he could try to get rid of the bloat or whatever it is in there. I'm lying on the ground with a pillow under my legs and he's doing these weird techniques to my stomach. I remember the early days of our relationship when I put on make up every time I saw him and ran from the room hugging the covers with the lights off and he wouldn't use the bathroom at my apartment; fast forward to our current situation of me lying on my back with the equivalent of a 6-month pregnancy bump and peach fuzz for hair and you gotta just shake your head at the irony.