Is it 'acceptable' to use having cancer as a benefit where applicable?

I’m on the subway heading downtown to attend the Look Good, Feel Better Program. If you’ve been following my journey through this blog, you’ll be chuckling in spite of yourself right now undoubtedly. I decided to attend this program once and for all. They still have not moved into the room they’re supposed to that was featured on Breakfast Television, but they are working out of the research building next to the hospital as opposed to a small trailer where I thought they were temporarily housed, and it apparently has a lot of room to work in. Besides, I was under the impression that this program was more one on one that it actually is. I was picturing a workshop where some wig expert was going to sit with me and fix my wig for me so I may actually where it without throwing a hat over it. I’d like to be able to attend some fancy gala if I choose to or even go to work without a hat or something, but I just don’t feel comfortable with the look without the cover of a hat. Anyway, this workshop I’m attending is more watch ‘n’ learn from what I was led to believe by the volunteer who called me yesterday. And I get a bag full of free make up etc. to boot so I’m all about it now. Scoff all you want; I’m getting free make up goodies today and most likely you’re not so laugh it up.

I have made reference over the last few days to people about some perks of having cancer and undergoing treatment. This is appalling to people that have never heard someone with cancer speak candidly I guess, but I’m pretty sure I’m not alone on the following sentiment: I will use having cancer and going through chemo and being bald etc to my advantage, and I’m unapologetic about that. I have been significantly disadvantaged by getting cancer, therefore if I can turn anything about having it to my advantage, I most certainly will, full force and without apology or a care for how that is perceived.
I was talking to my girlfriend the other day about a possible business venture that she’s been conjuring up, and we were talking about the sales pitch during a face to face meeting. I told her that I’d probably walk in to the meeting and tell them to excuse the hat as I’m undergoing chemo and am wearing a wig. I certainly wouldn’t want them to think that I was simply being unprofessional by waltzing in front of execs with a cap on so I’d start the meeting by explaining that I was undergoing chemo and was wearing a wig I was uncomfortable wearing without a hat so please excuse my appearance. I told my friend that at the very least they wouldn’t forget us, regardless of whether I walked in bald or with a hat/wig combo and going through chemo doesn’t have to be all bad! She looked at me a little funny at that which made me chuckle a bit to myself. It also made me reflect on what I’d just said. Is it bad to think like that? Sorry, dumb question. Is it normal to think like that? It is human nature, isn’t it? Is it different only because I’ll fully admit to that line of thinking? If I’m in sales and going in to do a presentation and I think an advantage I have right now over representatives also launching their products is that I’d be more memorable because I’m going through cancer, which may have them really look at my product thoroughly as they’d feel obligated to, is that a horrible thing to think? I’d love to say that with cancer I would love to be treated just like everybody else, but that simply is not the case in our world today, and I’m okay with that more and more each day (what choice do I have?) People do stare and look away quickly or watch you when they think you’re not looking, so people do view you differently as you are physically. I accept that, regardless of what I personally think about it. So under that same line of thinking, I should be able to use my different physical appearance to any benefit I can find, no? I think I get to swing the pendulum the other way and view myself as unique because of cancer and chemo and learn how to better myself in all ways because of it. I’ve earned that I’d like to think.
I was also talking to Carm who may launch her own studio in the next little while (a lifetime dream of hers) and I was telling her I’d do the marketing with her as I enjoy marketing, I’m good at it and I can help her in this area for sure. One idea for the marketing was surrounding my getting in shape after treatment. And we’re just talking at this point, and fantasizing about dreams, nothing more. But when she does launch her new business, I’m going to be her pet project as she is planning on training me back to strength after this anyway as she’s my friend and wants to do this for me, so why not do a marketing campaign surrounding my weight loss journey? The before picture would look pretty rough but the after picture (I presume hopefully) will be superb! That way when she does launch her fitness studio, she’ll have my whole experience as a ‘results’ angle and validation. She’s even going to get her Pink Ribbon Certificate (a certification to train women after surgery, treatment etc). She does know what she’s doing as far as training as she’s been doing it her whole life, and now she wants to get specialized to help other survivors too. She didn’t see any issue with my marketing campaign idea, however when I was telling another friend about Carm opening this studio and my plan with using the weight loss journey after cancer as a marketing tool, I didn’t get a positive reaction. I got a “Kelly, you can’t use what you’re going through as a marketing tool!” I challenge this. Why can’t I? It would be okay if I didn’t have cancer but was overweight and chronicling my weight loss with the help of a trainer and use that, but not when I do have cancer as it looks like I’m using a diagnosis of cancer to help out my friends business? I am doing that; it doesn’t just appear that way! Why is that wrong? I’m sorry I just am not hard-wired to be that sensitive I guess. Why would I not want to show other cancer survivors how I lost the weight when I eventually do? Why would I not want to show other people what I used to look like (bald and overweight) and what I do now (slim, trim with luscious hair) with the help of a trainer? Isn’t that viewed as inspiring as opposed to taboo? People puzzle me sometimes, honestly.

Okay, I’m now on the subway after leaving the Look Good, Feel Better program and man, am I ever glad I attended that! Remember this was the program I felt that I wasn’t meant to do? I’m such a tool, honestly. That was an awesome 2 hours! First of all, I immediately got asked to be the make up model, which I gladly did as the professional applied my make up for me, which was cool. It was a little funny at the beginning as right before she was going to start the workshop and in front of everyone she asked me if I wouldn’t mind removing my hat. As you guys would know, removing my hat means my hair also must go, so I said, “sure” and whipped off hat and hair and stuck it under the table. This got a whoop of surprised laughter from the room as well as the instructors and volunteers. Not everyone in that room has undergone treatment, so many of those women were pleasantly surprised that I have even been wearing a wig so that was quite an ice-breaker. I’m glad to have helped ladies! :) So she applied my make up with the kit that you are given when you get there and omigoodness the loot I now have! I got every wicked product out there, we’re talking lotion, toner, make up remover, 4 lipsticks/liner/gloss/polish face cream shadow mascara and on and on. And ladies; we’re talking Lancome and Clinique quality, not Bonne Bell and Cover Girl! I am now armed with a box of free product so that alone was worth the trip downtown. The 2nd segment is done by Zhane (wig boutique owner I think) and it focusing on wigs and head coverings etc. and again, yup, you guessed it, I’m modeling for that too. I’m telling you, being young has its advantages! If I gotta go through this, at the very least I get compliments all over the place from older women that I meet going through cancer along with me, or from volunteers. I’m a wise ass by nature so they get a kick out of me I think. It was cool today as I got to see many different styles of wigs on myself as well as funky head covering and cool tips on how to style them. After leaving the fashion show, I realized that my wig is actually quite awesome; it’s just not styled properly for me. I’m attending this Young Women’s Conference this weekend so hopefully I’ll be able to figure something out as far as styling there. Unfortunately Princess Margaret salon doesn’t do wig styling, which sucks as I just assumed when I had time I’d go there to get it done; no such luck. I gotta now investigate further; much research will be conducted. It’s not like picking a hair stylist, which is hard enough. This is a very expensive piece of merchandise to which I don’t have the luxury of keeping positive about a bad hair cut. There’s no “Oh well, it’ll grow back’” positive thinking here. It’s more “Buddy, you owe me $1200!” I need to choose a wig stylist wisely. Today I ended up talking to an older lady who I really enjoyed and she’s about to start her treatment. Even though in her words, she’s “old enough to be my Grandmother,” her and I bonded. She has her first treatment on Wednesday, the same day as I’ll be there for my 4th treatment and she had a ton of questions. She looked scared and I think I set her at ease a little with my answers. And here I am being all discriminatory about age and how I don’t want to meet people “old enough to be my Grandma” yet I totally related to this women as she did me and I really think I helped her, which in turn helped me. I’ve learned a very valuable lesson today from that, rest assured.

So tomorrow (Friday) I’m off to the Conference. I’ll write during it and post it all after the weekend. I’m hoping that I’ll really enjoy this weekend and feel really good about myself that I finally took the step of talking with other women my age going through this, but we’ll see. You’ll hear all about it either way, I promise.