My Compromised Equilibrium

I went to the Young Women's Breast Cancer Conference that was held over the weekend at the Sheraton Downtown Toronto. I'm still recovering. I wasn't able to write all weekend so now I'm trying to recollect all my adventures to share, but since yesterday it's been hard for me to know where to start as the ram in my brain is at absolute full capacity and now I simply must purge.
Let's go back to the beginning.
On Friday, I headed downtown at about 1:30pm, parked at the Sheraton and then walked down to Front St. to have lunch with my dad. I try to go and see my dad when I'm downtown for appointments at the hospital, etc. so we agreed to meet up and he'd take me for lunch. I really wanted to go to his office and thank all his coworkers who donated to my fundraising for my walk. I told my dad about signing up for it early which I did because I want to make sure I'm commited to it and also because I'm so competitive and I wanted to be on the top fundraisers home page, even though I know that not many other walkers have started their efforts yet. I told him first before I sent any emails out over facebook or even told anyone that I'd registered. I believe I'm currently #3 on this top fundraising home page which happened hours after I registered, thanks to my dad and his co-workers. They have, between 5 of them, contributed $3500 towards my walk! Again, the generosity of strangers is hard for me to fathom and process. These 4 people that work with my dad care enough about him to do that for me. Some of them have been affected in their lives by this disease and simply contributed as it truly is something that affects so many people in such a plethora of ways; I see that more and more even though cancer wasn't something that had touched my life a whole lot pre-diagnosis. It's unbelievable to me and I am truly awestruck by that kind of generosity as well as extremely thankful and humbled. I'm thankful to all who have donated to that walk as well as all that may not have been able to financially contribute but have offered me words of support and appreciation. Thanks to all of you as well.
Anyway, I'm walking along downtown, taking it all in, but still walking with purpose with my standard fixed glare straight ahead, weaving in and out of the people. It's a nice day for a brisk walk, I'm already looking forward to the rosti (like a potato pancake served with sour cream) I'm going to order from Marche, which is where we always go when I'm meeting my dad and is what we both always order (he gets his rosti with a chicken schnitzel); creatures of habit. I'm heading down the busy sidewalk, I'm under one of those construction walkways where you're shuffled through this small alley of wooden walls on one side with signs stapled all over them and metal piping on the other, and whoa! Stepped on a crack and kissed the pavement with a loud slap of both palms. Thankfully, wig and hat are still securely on my head, but my head jerks around to the gasps behind me, and I say, 'uhhh, watch your step' and get up and keeping going without turning around again as I know my face is purple. I try not to get embarassed by this any more as I fall way too often now to harbour resentment about it. I do fall on my ass all the time now and this has to be because of chemo. I'm at the dog park and bam, on the ground and I fall up stairs frequently too. I had a good one falling up the stairs at the subway with my mum, spilled my just opened really good tasting Tim Horton's extra large coffee all over the place in the process. I was clumsy before, don't get me wrong, but this is getting a tad ridiculous. I will no longer wear heels; just runners as it's too dangerous otherwise! It's not alarming I don't think as I'm not blacking out first or getting dizzy; I just simply have lost the ability to balance myself unless concentrating on it.
I now have sore palms and dirty jeans, but other than that, no harm no foul. I get up, keep going and a few minutes later I'm on the 24th floor to see my dad. He gives me a hug and a kiss at reception and we start walking through his office. He says, "Do you want to go to the bathroom first?" I look at him quizzically, state I don't have to use the bathroom, and my dad delicately tells me I may need to wash my face as I 'look warm.' Puzzled, I go into the bathroom; I wasn't feeling hot, I was wearing my wig and a hat, but wasn't feeling hot. My reflection on the other hand showed a girl who had just either run a marathon in a snow suit or had just got out of the pool and hadn't toweled off yet. I was dripping sweat and my face was red and shiny and wet. It was my turn to gasp. Forced menopause is a very weird thing for a 29 year old to experience. I've had the hot flashes followed by the chills, but this was a little severe. I make a mental note to ask about this over the weekend, wipe off, fan myself for a minute, stick some paper towels in my jeans pockets, then I fixed myself up and went and enjoyed lunch with my dad.

To make a donation to my walk, go to:http://www.endcancer.ca/site/TR/Events/Toronto2008?px=2411404&pg=personal&fr_id=1254

To join my team, go to:http://www.endcancer.ca/site/TR/Events/Toronto2008?team_id=56176&pg=team&fr_id=1254